Is there a Short Bus to Makeup School?

I went out to dinner tonight for my friend's birthday, and I told her that I was even going to wear makeup for her. So I got home from work and started getting cleaned up. After my shower, I decided that there wasn't time to do hair and makeup so I was going to have to have my "anything goes" hair, where I just let it dry on its own and hope for the best.

I pulled out my makeup bag, which contains all sorts of things that really should be easy to use, but honestly, they defeat me on a regular basis. Much like dogs are supposed to just know how to swim naturally, I think that it's assumed that girls' will naturally know how to apply makeup. If that's the case, I suck at being a girl. I start trying to put the stuff on, and my hands start shaking like I'm going through DT's. When I'm finished, it looks like I was attacked by a wild eye-liner. I have to take a Q-tip and use it like an eraser. Maybe the fact that I was never good at coloring inside the lines has something to do with all of this.

So I got the eye-liner somewhat tamed and down to a normal level, and switched to eye-shadow. Once again, Bobo the blind, drunk, lab monkey takes over, and I've got glittery smudges all over my nose, my eyelids, under my eyes, and, even a little on my cheekbones. I'm still not sure how that happened. Once again, the trusty Q-tip came to my rescue, and I managed to remove stray smudges, and then used a tool meant to smudge and blur stuff, and got the rest of the mess smudged into some semblance of normal makeup, almost like I knew what I was doing.

Maybe I could call up Mr. Clean and have him make me a Makeup Magic Eraser? I don't understand how some people actually do this every single day? I just don't have that kind of time... or that many Q-tips. (And I buy them at Costco by the hundreds!!!)

Maybe next time I'll just promise to have pretty hair. Might be easier, and safer for all involved.