Thursday, March 31, 2011

I'm sorry Alex Trebek, you're wrong... oh... what???

A few months ago my friend Missy sent me an email with a list of "You know you're a Law Enforcement (LE) Wife when..." jokes. I read the list and laughed my head off and agreed to and related with a great number of them.

There are so many things that LE wives do and say without even thinking about them, it just becomes an unconscious part of your life.

Tonight I was watching Jeopardy, as I usually do, and the category was 3 Letter Abbreviations. The clue was "Everyone has one of these, POV." I immediately answered (silently, so as not to wake my poor sleeping hubby) "Personally Owned Vehicle." Then one of the contestants rang in and answered, "Point of view." I (again mentally) snorted, "No stupid... it's Personally Owned Vehicle." But then Alex Trebek had the gall to agree with them. I started forming my mental picture of how that scene would have played out had I been the contestant that rang in and answered that clue. I would have stood my ground and fought the Clue Crew to the death that I was right. I suppose that I could see their point of view, pun not actually intended here, and agree that POV could also stand for point of view, but I would not give in, I would make them give me the full value of that clue.

I suppose that maybe I'm a little stubborn, but I'm sure that I'm right on this one.

There are some other abbreviations that I struggle with from time to time because I know what they are really supposed to mean, and then someone else throws out another meaning for them. I think that they're just trying to confuse me.

For example, LED's are all the rage right now for people trying to save money on their electric bills. Now to most people LED stands for Light Emitting Diode (actually I guess that most people don't even know that.) To me, however, I'm torn between Light Emitting Diode and Law Enforcement Dispatch.

I'm in the hardware business, so I know both of these abbreviations and can use them both properly. A little over three years ago I was having some heart troubles and having exhausted several other options, my doctor sent me to the cardiologist (who did not call the nurse or the Lady with the Alligator purse, just to clarify) and the cardiologist had me wear a 30 Day Event Monitor. This was a little device that I wore 24/7 for a month and when I was having an "event" I would press the record button and it would track what my heart was doing. Then I would transmit these recordings to a call center where they reviewed them and passed the results along to my cardiologist. (Bear with me, I am going somewhere with this, and it will tie back in to 3 letter abbreviations.) After I had returned the monitor at the end of the month, I waited for the results. One day I got a call from the nurse at my regular doctor's office and she said that the doctor wanted to see me and discuss the results, but that they showed numerous and frequent PVC's.

Now, as I stated earlier, I'm in the hardware business, so I hear PVC and I immediately think "Poly Vinyl Chloride." I mean really, who wouldn't right? I was then told that it meant "Premature Ventricular Contractions." I like mine better, just sayin'.

ABS is Anti-Lock Brakes right? Well to me it's Acrylonitrile Butadiene Styrene. I would like nothing better than to tell you all that I actually knew those words. (I did remember styrene) I had to look them up, but I know that it is the black plastic pipe that I sell all day long. Most people call it Black PVC, again, they're wrong, but I suppose Alex Trebek would probably agree with them.

I think that I probably spend more time than I should thinking about this, but I actually think about what it would be like if I were ever a contestant on Jeopardy. It would probably be best for all involved if that never happens because Alex would probably need treatment for PTSD if he had to take me on. (As you might have noticed, PTSD is a 4 letter abbreviation, so it's safe from this particular examination.)

I also spend a lot of time thinking about what inane story I would tell that Alex would have to pretend to be interested in after the first commercial break... But that's a topic for another time.

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