What if the Old Lady never swallowed the fly to begin with?

My life has felt kind of like the old song "There was an Old Lady who swallowed a fly" this last week or so...

About a week and a half ago I got sick with a cold.  Last Saturday night, I went to bed kind of early since I felt awful and I had to work the next morning.  Apparently some time after I fell asleep Andrew came in and crawled in bed with me.  At 2:30 Matt woke me up saying "Steph, I need your help," as he was taking Andrew back to his bed.  I was understandably confused and when he came back into our room, he said "Lucie got sprayed by a skunk." She had gone outside for a break when he got home from work, and that's when my week of awesomeness began.

I googled what to do, and we went to work on our poor frightened and smelly pup.  We did the best we could with what we had on hand, (by the way, tomato products... no help at all) and after some serious scrubbing, blotting, rinsing, bathing, and toweling, we put her to bed in the garage, and tried to get some sleep ourselves.

The next day I brought home some enzyme stuff that is supposed to help, and I thought it did.  I couldn't smell the skunk smell on her anymore after using that and another bath.  But then later on she was smelly again. And she was really subdued and upset, and I just knew she didn't feel well.  2 days after she was sprayed I noticed a sore on her throat that looked like a puncture mark and small bumps all over her muzzle.  I thought that maybe she had got too close to the tree with the yellow jacket nest under it, so I gave her a dose of Benadryl and cleaned up her owie the best I could.  The next day I knew there was something wrong with her, so I called the vet.  When I took her in, the vet started examining her and making notes to the vet tech.  He made reference to several spots of "Moist Dermatitis." I was thinking "Dermatitis means inflammation of the skin, he's using fancy terms to tell the tech that I'm being Panicky Over-Reactor Mom."  As if he sensed what I was thinking he looked up at me and said, "Moist Dermatitis just means Staph Infection."  Oh, is that all?  Just a measly little STAPH INFECTION?!?!?! I went from thinking I had over-reacted to feeling like the worst dog Momma in the world.  The infection was a result of the skunk spray, and then her skin being further irritated by all the scrubbing and cleansing.  They took her to the back room and shaved and cleaned several spots.  When they brought her back, she and I were alone in the exam room for a few moments while they got her medicines.  I about had a melt-down in there.  I felt like I had done this to her, and I felt like a real big jerk! We also realized that the reason she was still so smelly was from her infection, not the skunk spray.  (The doctor told me that I did a really good job of cleaning her because he couldn't smell any trace of skunk on her)

We started her medicines (one oral, one topical) and of course the antibiotics made her sick to her stomach.  So I called back and talked to the vet again, and we decided to take extra precautions to help her not get sick from these meds.  So now twice a day I am giving her some cottage cheese, plain yogurt, or scrambled eggs before her regular meal to ensure that her tummy is properly coated and she hasn't had any further sickness.

As I was scrambling an egg for my dog the other night, (a night when I didn't even cook dinner for my family, every but Lucie got leftovers, Lucie got scrambled eggs) The Old Lady who swallowed a fly song popped into my head.  "I'm scrambling the eggs, to coat the tummy, to keep her from puking, when taking the medicine, to treat the infection, all because of that damn skunk!!"  And of course I had to start thinking about that song a little more in depth, and wondering why the Old Lady ever thought it was a good idea to swallow that fly in the first place.

Of course Lucie is on the opposite end of this scale now... getting sprayed by a skunk, and all the scrubbing was pretty awful, but she got a nice comfy new bed, and she gets yummy extra meals twice a day, and tons of attention and sympathy and treats.  I think that she is going to be a little sad when this course of antibiotics ends.

Running... So.... Some people actually like this?

Several months ago I decided that I needed to do something to make myself more active and to get in shape.  So I signed up for the Color Run 5K with my sister and her family.  This is kind of a big deal because I don't run.  I really dislike running.  In fact I haven't run a mile since I was a freshman in high school.  In 1991.

I decided to follow a recommendation and do the Couch to 5K program.  It started off easy enough.  But I still finished every workout thinking "This Color Run better be a lot of fun, because running sucks!" 

I have not completed the 8 week program designed to train me to be able to run a 5K, and I will not complete it before the run.  The run is the day after tomorrow and I only made it to week 5 of training.  I should be able to run more than I walk, and that's a success in my mind.  

As the workouts have gotten progressively harder, a strange thing has happened. I have transitioned from hating running to thinking that it doesn't suck quite so much.  I don't like it, but I don't hate it as much now.

Also as the workouts have gotten harder, I have found a strength within me that keeps me going that I didn't know I possessed.  I have made myself keep going when I didn't think I could lift my foot again.  And I have been inspired along the way by my "Running List" on my phone that I compiled of songs to help keep me going.  I have had a good laugh at the fact that anyone who looks at my list would instantly know that I have a young child and that I haven't been current with the music scene for quite some time.  It's a mix of Linkin Park, Boney M, Taylor Swift, Glee, Lady Gaga, and random Disney and Pixar soundtracks.  One moment I'll be running along listening to "Birdhouse in your soul" by They Might Be Giants, and the next is "When can I see you again?" from the WreckIt Ralph soundtrack. 

Strangely enough, some of the Disney/Pixar and Broadway songs are the ones that have provided much needed inspiration when I'm in those last moments of running and just wishing that a passing vehicle would hit me and put me out of my misery.  One night last week I was trying to make it to the end of my workout and I needed a fast pick-me-up song to really keep me going, and instead I get "Defying Gravity" from the Wicked soundtrack.  I have some slower songs in my list for when I'm warming up, cooling down, or walking in between runs.  As I was trying to decide whether it was worth losing my momentum by looking at my phone to be able to change songs, the line "I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so, some things I cannot change, but 'til I try I'll never know" came on, and that gave me the encouragement I needed to keep going.  Even though I was the "someone" who had always told me that I couldn't do this, I was determined to keep going and finish this.  

On my next workout the running increments were even longer.  As I was approaching the home stretch I silently begged my phone's random shuffle to give me something really good and fast.  I got "Let it go" from Frozen.  Again I faced the decision of whether or not to try to change the song or just keep going.  I figured that if I slowed down even enough to be able to look at my phone, I'd stop all together and that would be it.  And then I heard the line "It's time to see what I can do, to test the limits and break through."  And as cheesy as it may be, it gave me the boost I needed to keep going.

I'm sure that anyone who passed me that night probably locked their doors as a protective measure because I must have looked like an escaped mental patient, jogging along, gasping for breath, but still managing to sing along to "Let it go."  Maybe it's a good thing that I usually run alone.  Or maybe this is the real reason why everyone is always busy when I ask if they want to run with me? Hmmm....

So if anyone sees a news story about a clearly insane person running along the Color Run route, huffing and puffing and singing Disney anthems... it's just me. 

It's a hell of a day at sea, Sir!!

I have always loved the Kurt Russell/Goldie Hawn movie "Overboard."  And one of my favorite lines from that movie is at the end when three people have either jumped or been pushed overboard, and the Coast Guard kid says, "Man overboard is kissing woman overboard... It's a hell of a day at sea Sir!!" 

My family has always used that line, "It's a hell of a day at sea Sir!" when it has been a crazy busy day at the store, or when we've had more than our fair share of interesting customer interactions.  

Well let me tell you, it has been a hell of a day at sea Sir!

For starters, we were very short handed today.  We were down 6 people.  Before I ever got to work this morning I got texts from Ariel (Oreo) telling me that it had been an interesting morning and to not be mad if she was drunk when I got to work.

I got here and started trying to clear up some of the morning confusion, while also holding my son who insisted on being held all the time.  He would have epic meltdowns the second his feet hit the floor.  I did my best and got as much done as I could while holding him.  I finally convinced him to sit down and watch a Mickey Mouse movie and have some breakfast while I got some stuff done.  

As the morning progressed I had a string of interesting retail experiences that made me actually put a little credence in the whole Friday the 13th phenomenon.

It began with the man who was complaining about his paint and how it didn't cover.  He kept repeating the same story to me, and no matter what I suggested he argued and just repeated, "It didn't cover."  I fully refunded his money and told him that I was unable to offer any other solution. He wanted a higher quality paint, even though the one he had was a very high quality.  The only thing I can think of is that he has poor lighting that can be affecting the appearance of the paint, or he was using a poor quality applicator, both are things you cannot suggest to someone without offending them.  It was easier to refund the money.

Next up was a man who began our interaction with a rather abrupt, "Isn't there anything you can do about the price on this? I paid less for this same one up in Canada with our dollar being weak!" When someone begins by aggressively demanding a discount, it doesn't put me in the best mood.  Then he proceeded to tell me that he didn't even really need the leaf blower, but just the bag that came with it because he'd forgotten his bag in Canada.  I checked, even though I was in no mood to help this person out at all, and in fact I didn't have any wiggle room on the price.  And as soon as he left (with his newly purchased leaf blower) I went online and started checking the prices on that model and discovered that we were priced the same as pretty much everyone out there.

I always love it when people tell me how much cheaper they can get something at "Insert store name here," because I always check when they leave, and probably 9 times out of 10, the price they told me they could get is nowhere near what the price actually is.  I just smile and thank them for coming in, knowing that I will have fun myth-busting that price once they have left.

I also really enjoy the "I'm a good customer" blackmail.  It takes different forms, "I've been coming here for 20 years," "I spend a LOT of money here," "I've known your Dad for years!"  And usually those interactions are always the ones where they want me to do something that they know is unreasonable, and that's why they take that tactic.  My most recent favorite was the man who got really mad at me for not wanting to take his 3rd party rebate check as part of his payment for his purchase.  His $1 3rd party rebate check... from Ace.  He pulled out all the stops... he's a good customer who has been coming here for 20 years (we haven't had the store that long) and he's spent a lot of money with us and can't believe that we would give him trouble about a $1 check.  I took it just to make him leave quicker, but the back of the check even said that it could not be accepted as a 3rd party check.  

And I do not know if I will ever understand why couples fight in stores.  Really? Your argument can't wait until you are back in your car? You have to make an entire store uncomfortable?  And worse still are the ones who are fighting with someone on their phone, and we have to hear the whole (one-sided) conversation while trying to help them, only to have them be impatient that we aren't helping them fast enough when they won't stop talking on their phone and tell us what they need.  At least I can take comfort in the fact that I have helped heal the relationship between fighting couples as they bond over the incredibly stupid girl at the hardware store who was slow and couldn't even tell them where to find what they were looking for.  (Because they never told me, just gave me partial words and random gestures and expected me to know what they were looking for while they continued their conversation or argument and then got mad at me).