Wednesday, November 30, 2011

How to Make Steph Cranky: A Step by Step Guide...

Let me begin by saying that I really do love my job.  I love working with my family, and for the most part I really like our customers.  That being said, let me vent my spleen a little...

On Thanksgiving, I spent the early part of the day baking pies and just hanging out at home relaxing.  About an hour before I needed to leave for my parents' house I showered, and didn't immediately dry my hair, so it started drying curly.  I decided to play with it a little and see where it would go.  The end result was surprising to me, it was quite curly, but I thought it was kind of fun.

On Friday I got up and decided to revive the curls and wear my hair curly to work.  I'd been at work for a few hours, and had been having a pretty good day.  I was greeted by my 9 year old nephew (who was wearing sunglasses, which is an important part of this story) with, "Bad hair day?"  I was upset and said that I thought it looked ok.  My sister said "It's just a joke, take it down a notch."  But I had been unable to see his eyes, or gauge an expression, and so I didn't know he was joking.  It made me feel a little self-conscious, but I got over it and we all joked about my bad hair day.  In fact it was a running joke all weekend.  When I was on my way to Seattle on Saturday and we passed the "Winery/Deli" down around Arlington, I texted my sister (I wasn't driving) and asked why she never takes me anywhere nice like that, and she replied, "Maybe if you'd comb your hair once in awhile."

Now we fast forward to today.  I forgot to set my alarm last night, so I started off running late today.  Since it actually takes longer right now to dry my hair straight than curly (given the humidity) I decided on curly again.  I got to work and started trying to get caught up on some paperwork I needed to do before our weekly True Value order arrived.  I was sipping some coffee and doing my receiving paperwork when a customer came to the counter and I started ringing him up.  He asked me, "Have you had your coffee yet?"  I replied that, yes I was working on my second cup.  He said, "Good.  Then you won't be cranky."  (Spoiler Alert - If you want to make a girl cranky, just ask her if she's cranky, or make a comment like, "Wow, you must be cranky today.") I looked up at him and laughed and said, "It's just coffee.  It's not a magic elixir."

At this point I have to explain that my natural expression is not a smile.  So if I am not smiling at someone or something, apparently I look cranky all the time.  And nothing brightens my day like being told how tired I look, or how cranky I look.  And it is usually the slightly older, and most often drunk, men who tell me these things.  This frightens me a little because I thought beer goggles are supposed to make women look betterHow bad must I look to a perfectly sober person???

I went about my morning and shrugged off the cranky remark.  About an hour later, I was ringing up another customer, and I brushed my bangs out of my eyes, miraculously without jabbing a thumb into my eyeball this time, and the guy says, "Are you having a bad hair day?"  I replied, as civilly as I could manage, "No, but apparently I shouldn't wear my hair curly anymore, because everytime I do people tell me how bad it looks."  He says, "I don't think it looks bad."  Yeah, sure... good save.  You want some ketchup to dip that foot in, Buddy?

So there you have it, if you want to make me cranky in just a few easy steps, come in and make a comment about how tired I look, or how I must be having a bad hair day, or (my personal favorite) "Wow! You're cranky today aren't you?"  That one MUST be used as a greeting however, it can't be used in mid-conversation.

I think all I need now to complete the set is for someone to say, "Put on a few pounds, huh?"

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