So, as I have said before, my train of thought is like a bullet train. It moves so fast that I can hardly keep up with it. My thoughts tonight ranged from how wonderful a non-stick rice cooker pan is, to what was the greatest thing before sliced bread, to an impromptu comedy routine that I came up with more than 10 years ago to cheer up my sister.
Let's back up and explain the comedy routine so that I can expound upon the sliced bread thing, and end up at the rice cooker.
One night, as I recall it was a blustery fall evening, my sister and I were driving to Bellingham. She lived in an apartment down near Samish Way back then, and I was driving her home. I can't believe that I recall this conversation so clearly, but (And I'm sure you'll all be so glad that I do recall this so clearly) we were talking about our periods, and different feminine hygiene products. (Told you you'd be thrilled.) I remember advising my sister to get herself a box of panty liners because they were such useful little items. She'd been feeling down in the days prior to that, and I still don't know where this came from, but I launched into an impromptu comedy routine all about panty liners. Of course, to understand why this is even remotely funny I must explain that I was using my southern accent that was inspired by Vicki Lawrence's "Mama's Family" character, Thelma. I put on this accent (for the first time ever) and started talking all about how useful panty liners were. I pronounced it "Panna-lah-ner." It's one word. And I kept saying how "They're the greatest thing since thet there Wal-Mart!" For the entire half hour drive, I entertained my sister with my Pannalahner routine and had her thoroughly cheered up when I delivered her to her door.
From that point on, I stopped referring to things as "The greatest thing since sliced bread" and started using "The greatest thing since thet there Wal-Mart" instead. Occasionally I would use the phrase "The greatest thing since peanut butter."
I have often found myself wondering "What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?" And really, is sliced bread SUCH an amazing advancement of society that we must compare everything to it? Who was the first person to slice bread? Were they Sainted for their contributions to mankind? What are they the Patron Saint of?
Moving right along... I have always been terrible at cooking rice. I cannot cook rice on the stove top. I don't know why. I am a fairly decent cook, and am actually good at preparing certain foods, but I am not capable of cooking rice on the stove top. When I opened my brand new Rice Cooker at my bridal shower, I was SO excited! Finally, I was going to be able to cook rice and have it actually turn out like its supposed to.
Now we arrive in my kitchen on a night in the not so distant past. I was using my beloved rice cooker, and when I went to lift the pan out of the cooker, it would not come out. I was puzzled. Then I smelled a funny burnt plasticky smell, almost like melted crayons. I finally managed to pry the pan out and discovered that a label of some sort had managed to make its way onto the element and burn, effectively glueing the pan to the element. I was heartbroken.
I decided to buy myself a new rice cooker for my birthday, and when it arrived, I discovered, to my delight that it had a non-stick pan instead of the regular full-stick pan that my old one had. This might not seem like such a big deal, but to someone who is so terrible at making rice, anything that makes it easier is a HUGE deal.
So, as I was preparing dinner tonight, I thought about posting a facebook status of "Stephanie Munden thinks that non-stick rice cooker pans are the greatest thing since thet there Wal-Mart!!!" Then I laughed at myself and realized that no one would understand that except for my sister, and possibly my mother, but they are never on facebook, so it would be a waste of a (In my humble opinion) clever joke.
It took me all of about 2.3 seconds to make my way from, "Wow, this non-stick thing is great" to Pannalahners and what came before sliced bread.
Good thing these train seats have motion-sickness bags, huh?